Today is an up day
Location not disclosed
Joined on 8/6/19
Posted by LicoriceRat - October 12th, 2019
It's easy to set plans but hard to carry them out, here's the plan going forward though...
Paintings, abstraction, illustration:
https://www.instagram.com/ratlicorice/ (under construction)
personal website (coming someday probably)
Twitter for Furry things:
and then Newgrounds as art dump.
Going forward, I have a ton of work to do cataloging my artwork from previous years, I've been making art for around 12 years and I focus on painting in acrylic and oil. This presents a host of problems, and one of those is that I'd like to pivot to digital art to save costs, but I'm primarily an abstract artist and I have a better grasp of physical media than digital media. At marketing, social networking, and actually selling the art I make I'm a baby. I have tried this before, I just didn't have the same fire in my gut as I do now.
Digital work (the kind I have on NG) goes well, but I am having trouble nailing down the exact methods I'd like to use for final pieces. I work faster in a painterly way by laying down sections of color and value rather than outlining and filling in later. This is fine but the difference between a sketched painting to a polished piece is much larger than that of a sketched drawing to a polished drawing. I'm going to keep experimenting.
As for all the paintings I have lying around, you can check the under construction instagram for a preview of that. A big oversight I made was that I have signed and dated everything I made ever since trying to sort my work several years ago, and found there were reams of pieces that I had to guess when they were made. So now that I'd rather release and sell art under a pseudonym, I need to decide if the work I sell will carry my full name or this name or WHAT. It's a pain in the ass that I keep bumping my head against.
I also need to photograph the paintings, and even though I don't have the money to pay someone to do this, I have some ideas on time of day, weather, and placement that may give me a professional enough view of pieces. As for the signatures, I may edit them out in photoshop before fretting about whether to repaint over them or not. Instagram also SUCKS but to be quite honest I haven't taken the time to bear down and understand what can and can't be done on the site yet.
Lastly, speaking of websites, I want to talk to more people more often, but it's just not something I do that much in my daily life anymore! Making art and never talking to anybody about it is how I ended up with a catalog of self-referential work that I've only showed a few people. So it's not a path to success, is what I'm saying. Feel free to contact me or ask questions here or anywhere listed. I may be open to reasonable commissions but I feel like I've got alot on my plate right now.
I'll edit this post as necessary.
Edit 1: The paintings being sold under fursona or not is actually a big snag I'm stuck on, but I think taking photos and cataloging work is at the very least a step in the right direction. Hell even choosing HOW they would be sold locally is a can of worms, if I choose that path. I think I don't want to go all out trying to garner attention until I really settle on how I'll deal with that. Its not a "I gotta be a furry thing" its a "I wanna make art without worrying about retribution" thing, but also a furry thing. IDK, but working under a pseudonym appeals to me. Is it just trying to have my cake and eat it too?
Posted by LicoriceRat - October 3rd, 2019
Life is too large to make it all about me...
Twitter just made it worse, I see happy people and I just want to be happy, but I'm so obsessed with how unhappy I am. My "journey" has been a downward spiral, and all of my problems are compounded because I haven't learned how to handle them like people are supposed to. I obsess over my own misery, over every negative interaction I have. I guess it's been a process of tearing down my old self but that'll be giving myself both too much credit and a pass for making others uncomfortable.
I look at what I wrote and made and much of it just drips with self-pity and bizarre avoidance. I couldn't talk about my negative feelings because I felt like I was dwelling on them, so I tried to recast everything as: "well that sucks, good thing it won't be there going forward!" I don't think I like abuse, I just don't like myself, and when people figure that out or decide upon that I have a VERY tough time filtering between their genuine scorn and nourishment. On twitter specifically, funny and revealing just stopped being funny. I never though I was attacking other people but by attacking myself it acts as conduit for whatever others may be feeling. I knew I wasn't ready for the light of day but just enough attention and I shattered.
There's not many ways I can think of to word this, either I'm pleading or begging or groveling and I need to get this shit out somewhere the few people who give a damn might see it. Everyone around me is afraid I'll disappear or even worse afraid I'll take it out on them. I managed to talk to quite a few people who made these problems worse, maybe if I slowed down and took a good look at the world around me I wouldn't be in this current mess. Hell if I had the nerve to TALK to people who may know better than me, rather than exposing myself and saying "LOOKING TO TALK I'M HARMLESS TRUST ME", I wouldn't be so down in a ditch right now.
I'm sorry for being vain and bowling through stop signs and using social media to try and circumvent my shortcomings rather than address them. I'm pedantic while still pretentious too.
The weed made the situation much worse too, learning to just pony up and deal with my feelings is still an ongoing affair. I have been searching for a gold ticket by drudging up my past and hanging it to dry, but again, there are so many other people who have had it much worse than I have. Don't be like me though.
I never thought I was clever or sneaky, just tough and stubborn and surrounded by garbage. I'm trapped like a rat, get it?
This is the best that I can do right now. I think I was afraid if I stopped talking it would be the same as when I would just shut down and never truly address the world around me. I was indignant but I kept trying to find a reason to be, and all I felt was "no those were my words, that's not an unfair assessment" and that finally broke me. I couldn't be honestly indignant at that.